i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
