First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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