Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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