I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
