It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize