I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
