i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize