I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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