I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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