based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We are all done wearing pants today
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
