I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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