So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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