i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
