Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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