I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
