well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
