after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
