If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
