i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
