Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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