Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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