she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
