her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
