I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you never un-have a 4some
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
