Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
