Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
