you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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