One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
