Ambien. No doubt about it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
