That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
