i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize