im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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