: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
