Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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