the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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