is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
