that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The air was thick with penises
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
