I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
