you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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