I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
