I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
