sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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