And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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