How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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