the condom got lost in my hair
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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