I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
please don't ironically join a cult
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