I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
