I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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