Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
