i think my tv is drunk
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
