Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
