My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
