I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
