it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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