youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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