mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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