i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
