Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
