I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize