i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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