I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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