I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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