bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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