I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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