All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
