your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
