did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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