there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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