so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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