dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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