Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
