I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
