Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
