This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
