Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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