6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
