Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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