he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
