How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
