Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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