please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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