Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i came on her dog
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize