At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
