Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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