I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize